In this article I am going to discuss a delicate and overwhelming experience that took place a while ago. It is yet another story of how my Krsna Guru has been instrumental in eradicating the blind beliefs I had been prey to and what he has done to help me get out of the mess I had got myself into.
During the early years of my career I was given to the madness of wanting to grow to the highest ranks in my organization. In this process I was given to believe that the method of growing in the hierarchy is to have a Godfather or a Godmother who would help me climb the ladder of success along with them, using their knowledge and experience.
In this process I signed up with many mentors across various functions right from SVPs, VPs, GMs, Fellows, Directors, etc. In IBM I was known for having the highest number of mentors of such ranks. . My ambition and passion to see myself as an influential leader and as a woman at the top became my only goal and purpose in life. Seeing this craziness and passion in me, most of my mentors were quite drawn to me. However, my focus in building a strong network with the top executives in the Industry became a sort of desperation and understanding that I was willing to go the extra mile, my mentors and bosses started taking advantage of me.
You must understand that I was not a well-read person nor did I have the intelligence to understand this material world. I fell into the social and material worldly norms of these so-called ‘high profile corporates’. I started to emulate them so that I could be accepted by them and in the society they belonged to. I disliked drinking very much but I even tried wine because I believed that this would make me more accepted. I began to realize though that there were a lot of execs who stepped the bounds set by morality at the networking parties and night-outs at clubs. During this period I got myself into a few situations which I would never have got into otherwise.
I started to become overwhelmed by the emotions and turned in to a total basket case. My mind had totally given up on any reasoning. More than ever before my mind was only showing me the downside of life and trying to show me things which never existed. This left me completely in a state of delusion. I was used by mentors and bosses like a door mat and felt exploited. They grew in ranks, power, salary hikes, name, and fame.
Even though I worked hard and did a great job. I did not grow in rank, did not get a promotion, a salary hike, nor even a good break in my job. All my hard work paid off for my bosses growing up the ladder. I was completely shattered. This was the point when I started to despair and as per my older articles, I began to get into performing rituals, poojas and pariharams.
While in this state, I took up a recommendation made by one of my friends who introduced me to a ‘Tantric’ whom she was visiting. My friend never did once mention what this man was doing in the name of Spiritual. Blindly believing what she said, I followed her to visit him. When I met him and explained my situation in life he started exploiting my helplessness and began to give me false hopes of bringing back everything that I had lost.
He started to take advantage of my situation and in the name of rituals he started physically molesting me. Though in the material world this may not be perceived as a sexual act but it was still a molestation in the name of God. This disturbed me very much and it sent me into a state of shock. I was not able to share it with anybody neither could I face my ownself. Stroked by a fear of getting shamed by family, friends, and society I became a complete wreck and was haunted by the incident, day and night.
This is when my KrsnaGuru entered my life. He picked me up from the gutter I had got myself in to and began to purge my soul of all the darkness it was embroiled in. I did not have the courage to even share this incident to my Guru. It was only after a few years that this subject surfaced. Until then it was an ugly truth buried deep inside of my heart. It is only by the Grace of my Master that I could overcome the demoralizing incidents of my life and I found a way to face the bitter truths of my life with spiritual knowledge and strength. He got me out of this mess by giving me all the Love in this Universe holding me like a baby He walks me through this process of purification which is like the gold put into the fire.
I am eternally indebted to my KrsnaGuru. If not for Him I would never have had the courage to pen this ugly truth of my life and face the whole world with my pure heart. My sincere and humble request is to only have faith in the Divine Lord alone and never fall into the trap of these religious crooks whose projections could deceive one to believe in them. You will hear at length about this period of my life in detail in my future articles as we journey along.
With the grace of my Master I have been able to pen this most wonderful experience in a string of words. Thank you for reading and do watch out for my next write-up about ‘Breaking the Myth of birthday celebrations’.
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