Feel Useless?

feel uselessI feel useless. I don’t know what to do with myself now? I want to be left alone. No one understands me.
Have you heard yourself say these words very often? Do you get in a sudden rush of distaste or disgust? Would you like to run away to some far away place and get lost? Would you want to shut your door and eyes and ears and never want to see or hear anyone? Do you feel your space is violated if someone asks you “wassup?” Do you want your friends or relatives to just leave you alone?
You have asked people not to disturb you or bother you. Yet, they come and bug you so much wanting to know what is exactly wrong with you? They cite stuff which says how involved you were a few months ago and now you seem lost. They are such busybodies that they insist on knowing what’s wrong with you. You keep on telling them that everything is alright. But you know very well that it isn’t!
So what do you think is the matter with you? Why are you feeling so helpless and disinterested? Why are you not wanting to mix around with people or work?
You really have no idea why you are feeling this way. You would love to know from someone. You want to meet someone special to whom you could talk to. Let your hair down. You pray that you meet someone on the way. Your phase in life is full of vulnerability. You are weak and hurt, insecure and unsure, confused and gullible. You don’t want some more people to confuse you further. So now let’s see some instances of how some go about trying to find solutions.
Recognizing the need of a companion, people get into another relationship having burnt their fingers multiple times. They look out for fresh blood or someone who doesn’t fit the bill of a regular S/O. But as relationships go, they are bound by natures law, surely end up in souring further. Just like relationships in a rebound tend to be. Disastrous by virtue of being of incendiary nature, you have to avoid getting entangled time and again. Why are you glutton for punishment or torture? Is it necessary to fall into fire from the frying pan?
The next is to find some guru or spiritual person. To join his or her classes. Maybe it is some form of yoga or meditative practice. You attend classes to find your true self there or to get peace and quiet. You talk to that teacher but soon you understand that they are in it for money and fame. Their motivation is to get more and more people to join. They don’t have spiritual stuff in them. You get disappointed soon enough. The body or mind exercise seem like a sham to you. You aren’t able to see any benefits in them. You again loose your mind following these routines. Your restlessness return in a double whammy.
Maybe you feel traveling will help you ease that uncertainty or maybe some outdoor activity. You take long leave and set on the journey. You enjoy for a few days but soon the night time is ghastly. You feel great during the day but when you dwell on the lifestyle or past out there, the Devils again stand up. They make you cringe in pain. Returning back you get into the same dreary lifestyle of monotony. Your life seems a complete waste.
So neither finding a S/O helps, nor getting into some therapy of the soul or soul searching travel. You are left with no choices but to get depressed further. You need a purpose in life and some direction. Your life seems a complete waste, so you wouldn’t want to get into that. Be of some use to society. To serve a certain definitive purpose. You seek that thing which you can call your own and doing which you feel complete. Your satisfaction or peace should be what you do.
So the solution to all the above problems is to find some truly great occupation which will satisfy your inner being and not give you the bloat-ware that you experience in life. A true blue worthwhile space and freedom. So you should have the answers and feel complete.
The answers are not outside of you. No one can show you the path of nirvana. Therapists will charge you the earth, doctors will give you placebos, false gurus will fleece you, friends will call you for parties, families will suggest holidays, spiritual people will tell you to take pilgrimages, religious folks will force you in some silly rituals, parents will ask you to get married, or have kids and nothing will give you peace or quiet.
You are seeking shelter, peace, love, truth, freedom, knowledge, understanding, calm and fulfillment. You can come to me for all that. There are no exercises, no money needed, no special clothes, no need of giving up your current life, no disruptive changes, no leaving the confines of your secure place, no giving up jobs or family life, no recommendations, no qualifications and above all no forced labor. You are free to come and go as you please.
I will study you and take you through the paces of the training to be completely malleable to change. Come fearlessly to get that which you seek. There will be no miracles performed. No magical remedies or medicines. No conscription or forced labor.
Taste the syrup of blissfulness with the passage of time and infusion of knowledge. Come.

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