relationship

The Troubled Relationship

relationshipThe yo-yo effect that happens in every troubled relationship creates fissures in the fabric and then deeper gashes. Then it’s easy for these to graduate to a permanent rift in it.
So why do these troubles appear in our lives?
There could be numerous reasons. The primary ones are money or financial insecurity, emotional or physical insecurity, material indifference and spiritual incompatibility.
In case of monetary issues, the constant paucity of funds can be the greatest cause of misery to any human being. Money plays a very important role in any relationship. Lack of it is the worst incurable disease. How much time before the whole thing crumbles? Resilience plays a very important role. Till the time the earning member is taking care there are no issues but when the expenses shoot through the roof and when there are more mouths to feed or funding a major event, then the pressures increases. Like weddings, education, sudden illnesses, layoffs, legal issues, etc.. Recourses taken during such instances are debts and more debts. Whereas the correct solution is to extend a helping hand in taking charge. The other members in the group should take up gainful employment. Here the question is- why are the other members shying from taking charge? Is it due to incompetence or sheer laziness?
Reminds me the case of Valmiki muni. He is the one who wrote the Ramayana. He used to waylay travelers and loot them. Once when he takes Narada captive, he is asked why would he do such heinous crimes? Valmiki answers that he has to feed his family. Narada then asks whether the family would also share the sins if they could share the loot?
Valmiki is shocked to know his wife and children refuse to share in any of the associate sins whereas they would gladly enjoy the booty. This shows how flimsy the relationship is with your own blood relatives or spouses. Valmiki realizes this and becomes a sage knowing that the only true relationship is with God and not with another human!
The second aspect is physical relationships. Till there are physical exchanges any relationship will prosper but the moment these are over the physical craving cannot be satiated so the bond disappears. Take the case of frustration felt by one of my disciples which led her to file for separation. The man was physically incompetent and so it led to divorce. Today I still have folks around me who still continue to suffer the same ignominy. Some people resort to pornography or take outside help in satisfying their baser urges but when there is such terrible issues at home the person vents out on the world. Take the case of a dissatisfied wife who goes to work and outside and spreads her husbands diseased sexual incompetence by mouthing venomous stuff with others. The ugly truth is suffered at home by her, but being uncouth outside with the world is shameful. The couple can take the help of experts in solving their issues of personal gratification.
A story in point are the two sisters in love with Bhishma who were sexually spurned by him. They cursed him that he would die at the hands of a woman. He finally succumbs to the arrows of Arjuna who stands behind the transgendered Shikhandi and shoots him. Sexual gratification or physical plays a very important role in any relationship. Succumbing to the charms of Krishna’s devotion this transforms in spiritual fervor. There are no other solutions in life except single pointed devotion to Krsna!
The materially deficient world always existed. Even today we so much crave for material desires. A small piece of land can be the bone of contention too. The cavernous mouth of desires can gulp down any material wants. So when there is paucity of material stuff the relationships end. Humans are like dogs whereas this is concerned. They move on to the one who gives them the bone. People get converted to the religion which feeds them and gives them a materially secure future.
A case in point is that of Sudama who is sent by his wife to visit his rich friend SriKrsna. He has tied a small handful of puffed rice to his garment. Krsna asks him for that and Sudama reluctantly gives it to The Lord. Rukmini stops Krsna from eating more than a single handful. This ensures that Krsna does not give ungracious people more than they deserve. Sudama gets his riches and his wife happily lives thereafter!
The last is spiritual incompetence. Those who believe and those who don’t are of two kinds. The ones who believe try hard to convince those who don’t whereas those who don’t have any faith deride those who believe. It’s the derision which creates the distance and not the dissimilarity. The atheists are forceful and derisive to the core. They feel that it’s important to show the believers the dirt. Does the same happen to those who have different eating habits? Does a non-vegetarian force a vegetarian to eat meat? No! Then it’s not politically correct for the atheists to forcibly deride the believers.
The story here is of Bhakta Pralhad whose father Hiranyakashyapa who forced his son to accept atheism. Finally The Lord had to come in the form of Lord Narsimha to release him.
Finally as a call to all those who are going through various stages of troubles in relationships, just know that no worldly relationships are stable or durable. They are all based on petty desires and wants. They cannot sustain any disturbances. They deteriorate too soon so stop banking on them now. Just continue to be there till you can sustain. Then it’s curtains.
The relationship with The Lord is not based on any petty wants or desires. You anyway just can’t see The Lord so the idea about fruit doesn’t arise. But firming up the faith and having unconditional love for The Lord works magic. Single pointed devotion and surrendering to the feet of The Lord is good. God will shepherd your life and take care of you thick and thin. Trust Him alone. He will never leave you, deride you, forsake you or talk bullshit to you. He just wants your true love and devotion. No physical or legal bindings. You are free to come and go if it doesn’t appeal to you. You are completely free in this one single relationship with God.

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