How does trust turn into apathy? Can you tell how you became so much accustomed to another, even after knowing that you cannot bear them even for a minute?
How much can you trust someone? Is it possible to trust anyone in your personal life? Do you think you can trust your own self in doing something correctly? Do you think you can keep your word?
Let’s begin with trusting your own self. Can you trust yourself to deliver results or keep the word you have given to someone else? Can you say the single truth to your child or spouse that they are bad? Can you tell your spouse that they are the worst performers in bed? Can you tell your parents that they are not worthy enough to be called your parents? Can you tell your boss to bugger off when he forces you to do it his way? No way! You can trust yourself to lie through your teeth at these circumstances. You will grin and bear it. You are shit scared of everyone. And you have become so much used to this charade that you are now apathetic.
We trust our parents when we are young. As we grow up the same trust turns to distrust. Marriage is a game of trust and once trust is broken, there is no marriage left in that relationship, yet you continue to go through that pain.
In the material world too, trust is a great commodity but mostly it’s apathy which works there. Let us see how it works. You are used to a nearby supermarket which started off in trust. You got items real cheap and then suddenly another competitor came along. He offered prices much cheaper. You shifted to him but soon realized the quality is no good. Again you shifted back. Now you want the reduced prices from the old store, which refuses to give. There is bitterness filled in you. You reluctantly go to him. That’s apathy for you. There is no trust but it’s a matter of convenience to you to get cheated out every time.
Similarly, the wife feigns orgasm every time and tells him it was good. It’s just faked and she does it out of respect sometimes or not to embarrass him. Otherwise it’s to get him off her soon. It’s a chore she performs. The part called trust was lost long ago. Now it’s just whiling away the time and dreading that once a month idiotic ritual. She just has to grin and bear that for 20 seconds. Of course she can bear 20 seconds per month for the rest of her life. She doesn’t care anymore.
Working for the same shitty origination is just similar. It’s like that 20 second thing. Having worked for the same organization and bearing the same atrocities to get that meager salary to feed the hunger. That’s the only reason you continue. Otherwise you could have chucked the job long ago. It all started with so much of enthusiasm and trust. Then someone else who joined after you got a bigger pay and that destroyed any semblance of faith you could have had in the company. You are just being apathetic and carrying on. You know there is no one else who will take you now at this age.
In the spiritual world these laws are not valid. In the beginning the joy of meeting your Guru is great. Later, once he starts putting you through the travails of sadhana or practices, you may revolt. You see a lot of partiality in his behavior with a special devotee. That turns you off. Then it’s only distrust or apathy. You care two hoots for his teachings. That’s where you fail.
You cannot have any such feelings. There has to be absolute faith in the Guru. No conditional acceptances. The only way of still being in spiritual is to put all your coins in His basket alone. You have to go through the grind He puts you into. There are no choices for you except single pointed devotion towards Him.
Spiritual growth is dependent upon your power of perseverance and tolerance. It’s about proceeding ahead overcoming every obstacle set by Him. His grace will only flow if you can withstand all these tests heaped on you. There is only gain once you can prove yourself unshakable in faith. Trust is a great term there since you should have implicit faith in your Guru come what may.
Material worldly faith and trust are disposable commodities but not so in spiritual. So brace yourself for a whirlwind ride which will test your trust, faith, love and devotion towards your spiritual Master.
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