I was doing a lesson from a scripture with my KrsnaGuru, and suddenly I felt an illumination within myself. It was like a knot that broke up filling my entire being with light and bliss. I had been searching for this answer for more than eight years now and felt like I was standing on top of the “Mount Everest” finally experiencing the most sort after goal – “Silence.”
I have been contemplating on, why do people change? Here I am referring to those who were once very close to me, claimed to love and follow me till the end of this earth and suddenly, even before I have realized they no longer exist in my world. For example, I had a very good friend who used to be an integral part of my life. He/She would message me daily and share their life with me.
When he/she ran into problems, I was their go-to person, who would help them get out of their gutter. I was their problem solver and a fighter in their world who had solutions to everything. Gradually, over the years they stopped messaging to me and would not even care to respond to my messages. I for nuts couldn’t ever understand why was this change.
Finally, my KrsnaGuru revealed the truth to me. When I started my journey into Spiritual, I did not have any idea of what it was all about and why the need for a “Guru.” I was too playful, and according to me everything and everyone were good. I saw the world with pink colored glasses. The first thing that happened was my Master broke the tinted glasses I was wearing to see this world.
It became the most significant cause of my dejections in life. As I journeyed along he started the purification process of my mind, and heart which eventually leads to the surrender of my ego, mind, and body unto the lotus of feet of my KrsnaGuru. In this process, I suddenly turned into an angry and bitter person; I started to see only the downside of life. I lost that bubbly, cheerful self of mine. The excitement and limitless energy that flow through my body and being didn’t exist anymore. I couldn’t recognize myself.
I did not like the person who I saw in the mirror, and I started to blame my Guru for who I had become. Whatever the answer he gave me I wasn’t convinced, and my mind would talk to me a dime a dozen instigating me against my benevolent Master whose causeless mercy is there on everybody. The light of Knowledge that He bestowed upon me was this when you are on the path of Spiritual all the vasanas or vrittis (tendencies) from many lives are brought forward.
All along it had only been my perception of what I had believed in myself of who I was. Let me explain with an example. My best friend and I have now been friends since we were five years old and our families lived next to each other in the same neighborhood. I spent a significant part of my life living in her house till we finally shifted to another locality after my graduation. I would do anything for her. Everyone called us “two bodies and one soul.” After college, she got married and moved to a different city. I continued to keep in touch with her. She never used to call me since her dad, and her husband kept tabs on the phone bills. With technology evolution things changed and Smartphones paved the way, and we are in the day and age of WhatsApp or FaceTime.
Until today, she has not tried to message me or call me. Even today she will only communicate if I would call her. I was fed-up in my life of being taken for granted and people using me to their advantage. Hence, I stopped calling her and realized it did not matter to her at all and I been feeling upset about it for a very long time. After many years, I found the answer which relieved me of my mental miseries.
The answer which my Guru gave is, the goodness or friendship which she projected was the portrayal done not just be her but by everyone in this world. Their inherent nature is hidden till the point things are favorable and as per their desires, wants, likes, expectations, etc. I was the one who did not see it or ignored due to my attachment to those whom I loved a lot. People discard you when they believe or find you are no longer useful to them in their life. Every individual is succumbing to their lower self and lets their ego and arrogance rule them. The deterioration of a human being happens very fast even before one realizes it. Know that it is effortless to fall, but it is challenging to rise and be a good human being.
In Spiritual, the Guru teaches us to have even-mindedness, be kind, compassionate, loving, to transcend the pairs of opposites such as the likes and dislikes, happy and sorrow, good and evil, etc. We are taught to overcome our inherent nature and be our “Good Self” which is the divine Self. There is a constant battle within me to fight my lower self or the inherent nature. This battle is called the war of Kurukshetra as expounded by Lord Krsna in Bhagavad Gita. My Guru calls me to be his ICBM and Nuclear weapon which he uses to fight his battles. But being a Spiritualist, I have to practice to control my anger, mind, and tongue and be good to everyone without having any biases.
As a follower of Krsna’s way of life, I cannot speak badly or say something to others even if the other person talks or misbehaves with me. I am not allowed period, but on the contrary, I am required to forgive and be kind and show my love even to that individual too. But know that the Universe is not going to spare that individual. He will bear fruits of his actions, and that judgment will be given by the Lord Himself, and there is no escape from that.
Finally, I felt enlivened and calmed down to what others think or believe of me “It Doesn’t Matter” anymore. I don’t have to prove to anyone about my goodness. The Truth Just “IS.” My swadharma is to follow my Guru’s ordain and walk along with him and continue to do arduous Sadhana (practice) and put the Herculean effort to Rise and be my “Good Self.”