He started the fight first, you say! I didn’t do anything at all. He just came and started arguing with me for no rhyme or reason. He has nothing to do so he just finds reasons to fight with me.
You have heard these sentences so many times in your life before. And so the argument continues. Then he says the same old words which again you have got so much used to by now. You are the epitome of goodness and the statue of perfection, he says. You don’t do anything wrong. I am always to blame. You are blameless and you can never harm anyone. If I am such an ogre then why do you want to stay with me? Why can you not find someone who can love you more than me? You were so beautiful when we got married. You could have got married to that other dude who was after you. Why did you have to marry me who is so ugly and crude?
The argument has no basis or grounds yet it continues. The truth here is that every relationship goes through a turmoil and upheaval. It’s natures rule. For any relationship to survive it has to go through a phase of discomfort and disturbances. Then the joy of reinventing every relationship is greatest.
In life if everything were to go on smoothly then you will not appreciate it. So these kinds of hiccups occur to wake us up. You should never take anything for granted. Always tweak it. Think about others and what is it that they feel?
Though everything in this universe is repetitive and yet constant, still the universe shakes itself once in a while to reinvent itself. Take the case of floods and droughts. Mountains becomes valleys and the deepest seas become tall mountains. Rich countries become poor and the poorer countries become rich and again become poor after some time. High tides come and become low and then again high. Life in general has cyclical changes happening to it. So why not your relationships?
You were madly in love and then you fell out of it. Then again you fell in love. You say it is with a different person. So what? Some live with one, some with two and some with ten too. Then there are those who can never get what they want and some who get too much overwhelmed.
Here we are talking about YOU alone and not the object of your love. Got that? Objects appear and disappear. Love remains. This love is about you. First you have to love yourself before you can anyone else.
Think about it this way. If you are feeling constipated that day and haven’t gone for your daily evacuation, your whole day will be spent in discomfort! You will never be focused on anyone or anything. You will be constantly thinking about your daily ritualistic activity. Hoping that it doesn’t betray you. But if you have nothing like that to worry about, you will be better focused about others. Right?
Feeling good about yourself is the primary activity of your life and you need to respect it. Never deride yourself. If you do then you will always find yourself inadequate. You will always think of yourself as a very small person and that way you can never truly love another.
Now when I say love thyself first means give yourself the chance to be the best. God has made you unique and his best creation. Who are you to criticize it? So always start with loving who you are. You are that one and only special creation so love thyself. The Self inside of you is the God above so love Him.
When you love yourself then it is easy to pay full focus and attention in others. So loving others comes easily. Project yourself in others and then it becomes easy to love others too.
So reinventing yourself becomes faster and easier. See yourself in her or him and then you will know how small that person feels about themselves. They are feeling inadequate just like you felt before you started loving yourself. Ask them to love themselves first then they will start respecting you too.
Sometimes a person feels small in front of others because they start comparing themselves to others. They look at others and think why they cannot be as good as others?
Here is an example. The most natural thing about us is our body. A woman looks at others breast and starts comparing them feeling inadequate. Similarly a man thinks that his maleness is smaller than others and so he feels lost. Try to empathize with others and you will feel good about yourself. The woman with big breasts always hates them because every man lusts after them. So she wants to hide. So why should you want a liability? Similarly the man who is dissatisfied with himself should know the asses have longer organs for that 17 seconds job! So what are they feeling shitty about it? Size is no criteria for pleasure. Feeling good in oneself is. So stop making a fool of yourself and feel good of who you are.
Once again life will turn for the better and you will start living life in the fuller sense. You will love them again. Creating an extension of your own personality you will admire them more. Then there will be lesser friction and more appreciation. You will be much more at peace.
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