Help me God for I have sinned.
Ok! What have you sinned?
You know that I robbed money from my fathers pocket. I took about twenty…
Ok, that’s not good. You should never do that again.
But God, I was not sorry for robbing my dad! I am telling you something else here. I didn’t even complete my sentence and you said that it was not good. I am not asking for sermons. Listen to me.
I am listening.
So, I put my hands in his purse and took out a twenty and then I saw a condom.
So, men who don’t believe in my methods carry a condom, that’s not new. Tell me something else. Your dad stopped coming to me many years ago.
I don’t like the look of it. See, he and mom must be very old to have sex. Anyway my mom must have reached her menopause many years ago so I thought he too stopped long ago.
So what is the issue?
So I wondered why he was carrying a condom around?
Safety, I guess! They don’t bother about my methods anymore and think that I can’t break it inside. I don’t care for such things. I have other things to think about now!
What is that? Can I help you in some way?
You want to help me? You are here to for confession and now you want to help me? Don’t you think I have all these angels around me for that? Anyway, my problems are um.. different!
What are your problems now?
See, these gays are not going to have children anymore and that will hamper the progress of this world. I am worried.
God, the solution is simple. The gays are marrying each other for love, right? Anyway they are throwing your holy book out of the window, so my solution is pretty simple.
I don’t know why they have to disregard my books. They can just say that they don’t want to believe in me. Am I not allowing them to come on talk shows and standup comedies? Why do they have to bash my holy book?
See, listen to me. Now get the other ruling through the Supreme Court also then all your problems will be solved.
What ruling sir?
The one in which a man can marry many women or one woman can marry many men for love. They can all prove they love each other. Get this ruling through.
Ah! That’s smart. Then they cannot give any proof of one man-one woman from any holy book since they have already disowned me. So we allow polygamy and polyandry. True, some places it is allowed anyway.
And you can give each of them twins and many more. Now, will you listen to my problem?
What problem? Your confession? Ok!
Now that condom was dated last month. Which means my dad is having some extracurricular activities going on somewhere!
That’s none of your business. Let him do what he pleases. Why do you bother?
God! God! You don’t understand my problem! He is not on Viagra! I am!
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